I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
