I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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