Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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