I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
