One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was CRYING into my vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
