Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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