I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
