You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
