1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
