you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
