I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
