I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
