Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
