they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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