bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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