hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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