i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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