And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
