Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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