I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
