I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I lost the right to judge tonight
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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