I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
