One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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