I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
