Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
