When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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