watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
