you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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