dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She needs sedatives and a leash
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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