Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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