Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
