You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
