We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
