check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
