I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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