I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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