she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
