may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize