K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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