Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
