I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
