My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
