just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
