I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
