bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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