you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Say something about gay babies.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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