i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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