In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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