So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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