It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
