and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
