a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
