she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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