I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
