it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
