all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
